Inertia

I’ve had creative blocks before, of course, but never quite so debilitating as this one. To be fair to myself, circumstances have never been stranger, for anyone, and it’s no different for me. Soon after the Prime Minister enforced the nationwide lockdown that we’re still in the midst of, I was hit by a series of unlikely personal circumstances, the timing of everything colliding to take a toll on my physical, mental, and emotional health.

Being rushed to the ER for a kidney stone and watching doctors and nurses bustle in and out of the COVID ward right next door was surreal. Worse still has been the inability to follow up, which would have eased my general health anxiety- it made me realize what so many people whose medical procedures were deemed ‘non-essential’ under the prevailing circumstances, must be going through.

Yes, I’m still powering through my course in perspective drawing, but it’s difficult to get excited about drawing wild, fantastical, eclectic environments when you’re stuck inside the same little three bedroomed flat for months on end. It’s even harder to visualize a future beyond the pandemic, despite having worked towards it for months now.

I’ve pulled out the last reserves of fortitude; I’m rereading Harry Potter, I’m sketching only what I feel like and when I feel like it, listening to audiobooks, working on music and staying connected to friends far away best as I can.

Sometimes, though, it doesn’t feel enough.